Do you have a bowel surgery coming up? Maybe just a colonoscopy? Or something else to do with your guts?
Either way, you likely have to endure a bowel prep: drink some nastiness and spend the next few hours glued to the toilet.
I had my bowel resection in November of 2018 and had no idea what I was in for with Suprep Bowel Prep Kit. And now I have my very first colonoscopy on calendar for November 8, 2019 (just to check and make sure everything is decent and runnin’ smoothly in there). I was also told I’d be enduring the same bowel prep! Yay! Yay? Just kidding.
So I got home and scrambled for my notes from last November. Just how bad was the experience before? I had been messaging a friend of mine who kept me company during the ordeal. And rather than just read them while laughing and get a sense of what to expect in a few weeks, I thought I’d share them.
I mean, who knows – you may very well have ended up on this page because you, too, were searching for “what happens in a bowel prep?” Brace yourself…my notes are coming! And if you make it all the way to the bottom (there’s a pun in there somewhere), I’ll list a few tips and tricks I picked up along the way to make this process a little more bearable.
Shortly after 4:15pm, on November 25, 2018, I downed my first round of Suprep. The second dose was at 10:00pm. Following are my notes (aka, texts to my friend):
Prior to the poop-fest, I weighed myself right before drinking Suprep: 169.5 pounds. I was curious how much poo and water weight I would lose after it was all over. Stay tuned!
Drank first round of Suprep
OMFG that’s the most amazing torrential downpour of liquid shit I’ve ever experienced!!!!! 35 minutes after consumption and round 1 of ?? is done!
I’m still pooping…confirmed: no visible plunger in this bathroom lol
Round 2 !!!!!
Ooooomgggg round 3. I didn’t even have to leave the toilet from round 2! Just when I was about to wipe: nope. Seriously amazing pooping!!! Like a high pressure water hose!
….round five….literally as I’m wiping my ass with a baby wipe. HAAAAHAAAHAAAAAAAAA caught me by surprise. ALMOST CLEAR!
Round 6 and 7! 7 was far more violent. I wish I could describe the sensation of pressure washing the inside of the toilet with my butt juice!
Round 8 done. I’m not even gonna wipe anymore. Just sit here. It’s like ..what…30-45 seconds between pooping? Pooping isn’t even a fitting description anymore. I AM getting up for most times. Barely made it back in time for round 9. I think I’ll sit here til round 10
There goes round 10! It’s amazing ’cause they’re all like the same amount of liquid poo. Like there’s a measuring system in my intestines and a shutoff valve, a pressure build up, and RELEASE! …This bathroom is fucking freezing
Round 11!! IT’S AMAZING! No cramps or anything. Just a sudden urge to spew water from me bum
Almost didn’t pull my pants down in time for round 12! I think I better live here for a minute or two
Where the heck is round 14?
There’s 14! …Oooh mum brought me her fuzzy blanket! I’m warm!!! And my asshole is killing me LOL! Vaseline and all. Omg.
The question was posed, “What if your mom has to go?” – referring to the one-bathroom AirBNB suite we shared for the evening. My response? “She’s screwed!”
Round 15 took a while haha
Omfg. Round 16 made up for 15’s delay!
I’m waiting for 17…There it is! I knew it was comin’!
Jim says hi. Oh…and ROUND 18!
Round 19! Soooo close to 20. I wonder how many til I stop. Then I gotta do another round of Suprep at 10. Omg.
Noooooo round 20!!!!! I think I’m done!
Finished! 2 hours and 45 minutes after taking Suprep! 19 horrendous rounds of liquid-shits. And I now weighed 166.8 pounds.
I had a few hours before having to begin the next dose of Suprep. I think Mum, hubby, and I just watched TV…and then, it was time. I dreaded the late-night start because all I wanted to do was go to sleep, but noooo, I had to poop instead.
Down the hatch! (Second round of Suprep)
Insert Round 3 here. Omfg that one was fierce!
Round 5 was soooo loud I nearly vomited. Sounded just like a solid vomit
Oh God, round 6 didn’t wait long
#7! I’m not even wiping anymore. Or flushing. Just sitting here, waiting, shitting, waiting, shitting, waiting lol
Omg 8 was amazing. This poor toilet
Round 9!! Is it over yet?
10!!! I thought I was safe so sat on the couch and had to run back in here….
11. Think we’ll top 20?
12! I feel like it’s been so much more than that …
….I think it stopped
That was a lie. Round 13 gurgled only after I laid down to rest. My poor bleeding butthole. Back in bed though. And btw…if I didn’t already say so….it’s clear
I slept straight through! No terrifying episodes of shitting the bed or getting up all night to poop! I thought I was in the clear. I was wrong.
I wake up at 4:00 a.m.
Big ol gentle liquid poo.
Make that two giant liquid poos
We then had to head out to the hospital for my 5:00am check-in. I used the restroom once before they sat me down (so, round #6)
and AGAIN while being prepped for surgery. Yep, my little booty waddled down the hallway with an IV in my arm, the surgery cap on, and sportin’ the beautiful hospital gown (round #7). I oftentimes wonder if I shit during surgery? Guessing not.
If you made it all the way down to the end of this blog, you’re amazing! I hope you had a good laugh. I know I did while I was reliving the memories! Alright, the promised tips & tricks I learned from my first bowel prep experience:
- Follow those darned prep instructions. To the letter!
- If allowed, drink the prep cold. THROUGH A STRAW. And as quickly as you can stomach.
- Chase it with ice cold water or gatorade. Or suck on a lime between sips (if your doctor says it’s okay).
- Invest in some comfy, soft, gentle, pampering butt wipes. Be careful, though, you may not be able to flush them with some plumbing systems. Just bring a small trash bag to be safe and haul that shit (literally) out when you’re all done.
- That being said: don’t wipe every time. As you read above, some of the bouts o’liquid-poo are so close together, wiping made no sense. You’ll help save the environment, and the tender flesh of your bumhole.
- Vaseline is your friend. TENDER bumhole!
- Continue to drink water as instructed by the bowel prep instructions, but also make sure you don’t drink any after you’ve been commanded NO FOOD OR LIQUID before your procedure.
- If you do end up falling asleep before you feel you’ve completed voided your liquid-bowels, make sure you get up a little earlier than planned to allow extra time to clear ’em out.
- Bring a good book. Or your phone/tablet.
- Bring a blanket!
- Keep a positive attitude about the whole darned experience.
- And treat yourself to something soothing when you’re back on your feet…you earned it!
Good luck with your prep! And whatever reason you’re having to complete it!