Here we are again! A Friday! Already!!!
Earlier this week I was in a little Facebook chat bubble with one of my local EndoWarriors, Heidi. Heidi has been a HUGE part of my life since we came together and she’s a very active member of our Bloomin’ Uterus San Diego support network. She also hosts supoprt group meetings and events at her house, finds time to run our Instagram account, and is such a strong source of strength and encouragement to our Sisters! Thanks Heidi! FOR EVERYTHING!
I’ve been relishing the mostly pain-free life since my November surgery. And every little tiny prick of pain sends me deep into a “Oh no, is it coming back already?” thought process. The poor April ultrasound results don’t help and I’m eagerly awaiting the July follow-up ultrasound.
But, I ran to Heidi and we had a little conversation yesterday during a moment of doubt. Heidi has had some glorious results from pain management and physical therapy and I figured she may very know the fear I was feeling:
See? SUPPORTIVE! Heidi is amazing. And, she’s right: WE GOT THIS AND WE’RE BEASTS!
But yesterday’s moment has led to today’s quote search. It captures the fear I have. It gives it a visual that many people can relate to; a fear that gnaws at the fiber of their being. I suffer from a painful chronic illness, and although I’m in a wonderful position right now, I still have these fears:
“That’s the point. This healthy-feeling time now just feels like a tease. Like I’m in this holding pattern, flying in smooth circles within sight of the airport, in super-comfortable first class. But I can’t enjoy the in-flight movie or free chocolate chip cookies because I know that before the airport is able to make room for us, the plane is going to run out of fuel, and we’re going to crash-land into a fiery, agonizing death.”
― Jessica Verdi, My Life After Now
Okay, so it might be a little dramatic…but it really captured how I feel about this relentless disease. Endometriosis.
I have my Sisters, my Warriors, my Family to get me through these moments. I’ll enjoy the in-flight movie and complimentary cookies. I’ve embraced having my nights and weekends back to enjoy. And maybe…just maybe…I can acknowledge these fears when they bubble to the surface and let them go.
May we all be able to do such a thing.
PS – Heidi, I love you so very, very, very much.