Share Your Story: Susie

Photo of Susie

Susie is 41-years-old and was just diagnosed with a surprise Endometrioma in a very surprising location.  She lives in Austin, Texas and is coming to grips with her diagnosis, as well as searching for answers and support.

Susie’s Journey:   I began experiencing symptoms of my disease when I was in my early 20’s around 2004-2006, I felt a lump on the right side of my groin that moved around a bit. I had a pap smear that showed normal results, then a sonogram that did show the mass, and then a CT scan that was inconclusive. I was told that cancer was ruled out and that they had no idea what it was, but that it wasn’t worth doing a biopsy over, but that if it ended up causing problems in the future, I might probably have to have one.

Being a young 20 year old, I feared the idea of anyone cutting my groin open and could not afford to get off of work for surgery anyway. I lived with the mass for over a decade. Throughout that time, I began noticing it growing larger and becoming more firm. It was no longer moveable and it swelled up around my menstrual cycle. The day before or the day I started my periods, there was extreme pain. The pain also continued up to a week after my periods. Sometimes, it made it a little difficult to walk and I’d get a bit of pain on my right leg, but not too much. It prevented me from moving and sitting freely. I couldn’t even cross my legs.

Fast forward to 41 years old, I finally decided that it was time to do something about it. I read up about endometriosis and even asked the doctor if it was a possibility. After about several pelvic exams, 2 or 3 sonograms, a CT scan, and a very painful biopsy that required 2 shots of local anesthesia in order to retrieve 2 samples of the mass, I was finally diagnosed with endometrioma.

I was given the option of excision or just living with it.

Doctor asked me if I’ve considered birth control and slightly suggested I use it. I told him that birth control would not remove the mass and did not help me much when I was on it in my 20’s and that I wanted this lump out of me. He said that he would perform a simple outpatient excision that would require very little (if any) time off of work and that I would be running around just fine afterwards. About 2 weeks ago, I finally had the surgery that did verify “endometriosis”. I was completely anaesthetized to sleep. Btw, I’m not sure what the difference of “endometrioma” and “endometriosis” is because both words keep getting used by my doctor and pathology report. My doctor corrects me when I call it “endometriosis” and says it is “endometrioma” and then the pathology report says “endometriosis”. My doctor seems impatient when I ask him to explain the difference. I almost wonder if he actually knows about what I have and doesn’t want to confirm my suspicion. I am in the dark about that right now.

WELL, I awoke from my surgery to find that my right foot and leg were asleep. I could barely move my toes. My feet have a tingly feeling and my leg has the same feeling as though it’s been asleep and is about to start waking up. I was told that because I could move my toe, it was a good sign and that I should be able to start walking just fine again in about a day. Since then, although, I regained some feeling back to the upper part of my leg and some of the left side of my right foot, I am experiencing Charley Horses” both in my sleep and mostly when I walk for the past week. I still have to walk very slowly with a cane and an extreme limp.

Yesterday, I was admitted into the emergency room to check for DVT (Deep Vein Thrombosis aka “blood clots in the leg”) but I checked out clean. The emergency staff told me that I did not suffer from dehydration and that my potassium levels were fine and that all he can think is that maybe my leg’s nerves are cramping because they are “waking back up”. I don’t know if I’ll be able to walk like normal again. It’s very hard for me to get around at work and college classes are difficult to get to. I have to have people do things for me. I had to cancel my birthday plans to go to the beach because I don’t think I’ll be able to walk around in the sand and the idea of a wheelchair is very depressing. I am getting married in October and am mortified of the idea of having to walk down the aisle or live my life with a cane. My follow-up appointment with my surgeon is next week. Although, I hope that I will be okay by then or that he’ll be able to help me, I don’t know if he’ll have any help to offer. It’s scary how little the medical industry knows about endometriosis. What is wrong with my leg???! Also, now I’m hearing that just because you have endometrioma excised doesn’t mean that it won’t come back and that I should consider a hysterectomy. I don’t want to go through this again. I almost regret having the surgery in the first place. I hope that it was worth it and that I will be able to walk again.

Words of Advice: Read as much as you can about it. Meet as many people as you can. Ask as many questions as you can. Don’t give up.

The Last Word: I hope that we can get more endometrioma awareness outreach out there.

If you would like to e-mail Susie, please feel free to.

I want to send a special Thank You out to Susie for being brave enough to share her journey with us today!  Congratulations on your upcoming nuptials!!  And good luck with your healing and the circumstance with your leg.  You have my email address, woman – keep me posted!!    ❤ Yours, Lisa.

Paper with "Tell your story" written on it

And if YOU would like to share your story, send it to me; I’d love to share it.  The best part about this disease is the strong network of love and support from our fellow EndoSisters, and our friends and family, too.

An Interview with a Silent Warrior.

Woman with finger pressed up against her lips

I know a few EndoSisters who have chosen to keep their diagnosis private for one reason or another.  During a month where many are shouting about Endometriosis to raise awareness, I wanted to remember the ones who choose to remain silent. And respect that choice.

I had the pleasure of interviewing an EndoSister who keeps her diagnosis a secret.  Not only to understand her choice and position better but to also give her a voice.  A forum to speak her peace, share in a way that doesn’t corrupt her privacy, and encourage those who also endure in silence.

I would introduce you to her, but she shall remain Nameless.  She shall remain Faceless.  Just know that she may be your friend, daughter, co-worker, or wife.

**

How old were you when you began to feel Endometriosis symptoms?
I think my symptoms started when I started my period at twelve. My periods have always been extremely painful. And I have always been scrunched up in a ball in tears.

Did you ever tell anyone then that you were having these issues?
Yes

How was that received?
I either got laughed at or told to be quiet. (That’s being exceptionally nice)

When were you diagnosed with Endometriosis?
Two years ago this past February

How did your diagnosis come about?
Doctors found a large cyst on my left ovary from an MRI then confirmed with two follow up ultrasounds.I had surgery to get it removed. The cyst was a chocolate cyst.  When my doctor came to talk to me after I woke up from surgery, she told me I had Endometriosis.  She also said that she had never seen so much endometriosis in someone and that it was everywhere.

How did you feel when you learned you had Endometriosis?
Not surprised, and a little relieved. It made sense why I have been in so much pain. The past few years the days without pain were less than the days with pain. After so long I just got used to being in pain all the time. Continual pain is normal.

But it was a huge weight lifted off of me knowing that I am not some weak ass pansy who can’t handle shit.  (Refer to the question three about how my pain was received).

Are you ashamed? Embarrassed? Angry? Confused? All the things? Which and why?Ashamed, no. Embarrassed, no. Angry, yes. Confused, no. Sad, yes. Frustrated, yes. Alone, sometimes. And so many more emotions. Some days are better than others. And some days I want to crawl into a dark cave and just cry and cry and scream (these days are few and far between).

Have you told your friends, family, or co-workers about your diagnosis?
Only my EndoSisters here know as well as 4 close friends. Two coworkers know I had abdominal surgery and one of them knows it was to remove a cyst, but neither of the coworkers know my Endo diagnosis. My family and other friends do not know.

If not, why have you decided not to tell people?
I have not told my family or my friends for one reason I still don’t feel comfortable even saying here. I also haven’t told my family because of my response to question number 3. I have not told three of my close friends because: 1) I know 2 of them can’t keep a secret. 2) the one that can keep a secret, has never been supportive of me when I talk about my pain and how much I hate it. She’s not outright mean, just dismissive about it. She also would not agree/support the reason I am not saying here.

How were you able to find EndoSisters? And how did it feel being able to connect and share with them?
I have a friend with Endometriosis and she directed me to Bloomin’ Uterus. To say it was difficult to open up to my friend does not even begin to describe what I was feeling and going through. (As a matter of fact, answering these questions is taking me hours and a whole lot of fucking tears to get through).

I had two friends offer to help take care of me when I told them about my surgery. One ended up with the flu the day before my surgery, so only one was able to help take me to and from the hospital and then spend two days with me (including my surgery day). I took 1 day short of two weeks off work, so I took care of myself the rest of the time. I contacted my friend with endometriosis two days after my surgery (through Messenger while pretty high on pain medication). I was in tears, frustrated and feeling completely lost and alone. I don’t think she will ever truly know how much she helped me that day and the extraordinary supportive woman she has been since. I would not be where I am today without her warrior-ness.

I have been able to connect with other ladies in the support group and they have been so incredible and encouraging. I get to talk to some ladies on a daily if not weekly basis. They make my days so much brighter.

I see what so many other ladies talk about in our support group and it kills me that they are going through this same shit. But everyone provides such support and love and understanding. These ladies are the best.

Sometimes when I do feel alone, I just go to our support group and read. And sometimes it helps a little and sometimes it’s like getting the huge bear hug I need. Even a heart or a like to a comment I make.

How has the silence affected you?
It sucks balls. Sometimes. But most of the time, I know it’s the right choice and I am comforted in this decision.

Do you think you’ll ever tell others about your illness?
No. A significant other maybe. But I find that terrifying. And yeah, yeah my boyfriend, husband or spouse should support me blah, blah… The thing is… You don’t know. You don’t really truly know until you have been put in this situation.

How do you think your announcement will be received?
One, I’ll be looked at with pity. And I fucking hate that shit. Two, everyone I haven’t told will be hurt that I kept something from them and they probably won’t trust me in the future. And they will probably think that I’m hiding things from them. Three, I will be told that it’s my fault that I brought it on myself for hating my periods and if I just accepted the pain I had from the beginning this would have never happened… Power of attraction… blah, blah…

Is the reaction of others learning so long after your diagnosis part of the reason for your silence?
Nope. Once I found out, I never planned on telling. (Even my friend I opened up to in the first place.)

What would you tell other women who have decided to keep their diagnosis a secret?
You’re not alone. You’re just not. Whatever reason/s you have for keeping silent is/are the right reason/s. You don’t need to justify yourself. Not to yourself. Not to anyone else. I don’t care if it’s your family, spouse, your best friend, your boss, who the fuck ever. YOU DO NOT HAVE TO TELL ANYONE IF YOU DON’T WANT TO.

How can your EndoSisters help you?
Just keep doing what you’re doing ladies. You are amazing and have helped me more than you can possibly know.

Is there anything else you’d like to share?
Nope.

**

What a beautiful and eye-opening experience for me.  I’ve always been an over-sharer and cannot imagine enduring this illness in silence.  But I love and honor my EndoSisters for their decisions to remain quiet.  Whatever those reasons may be.  If you have chosen to keep silent, stand by that decision.

Never let us guilt you or judge you into divulging your secret.

And know, like she said, you are not alone:  “You do not have to tell anyone if you don’t want to.”

To all those who endure and suffer in silence, you have my respect and love. Consider yourself gently hugged from afar.

And, to the Warrior who allowed me to interview her, I cannot thank you enough.  You are so incredibly strong and brave and have been an incredible presence in my life, and the lives of other EndoSisters.

Share Your Story: T.E.

T.E. was diagnosed with Endometriosis when she was 28 years old.  Now 31, she shares her story with us:

T.E.’s Journey: I was diagnosed with Endo around 28. I saw my gynecologist for painful sex and cyst rupture after sex and he recommended me seeing an infertility doctor for possible Endo. I saw the specialist and he said I did have chocolate cysts and suggested surgery to get a good look at what’s going on. I had the surgery; I did have lesions and my chocolate cysts were drained. I also had a low count of eggs at the time so I had to decide if I wanted to have kids now or never so I never started the pill after surgery.

Fast forward six months, I was back in pain and now till this day, I have had new symptoms arise. Hip pain and the bottom of my feet are new symptoms. I walk for a living so it’s been difficult. I still get leg pain, which is not even around the time of my period and mood swings. I also get lower back pain and severe cramps. My infertility doctor says he can’t do anything else for me so I have been trying other ways. I saw a holistic doctor and went that way and it did help, but the pain came back. I’m going to try acupuncture soon. Wish me luck!!

I want to send a special Thank You out to T.E. for being brave enough to share her personal story and struggle with us today.  Wishing you the BEST of luck with acupuncture!! You are a beautiful, brave, and strong woman.  Thank you!!!


And if YOU would like to share your story, please let me know.  The best part about this disease is the strong network of love and support from our fellow EndoWarriors, and our friends and family, too.

Yours, Lisa.