Feel Good Fridays!

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It’s Friday!

And it’s been a weird one.  Grief, and pain, and doubt, and anger, and calm, and sadness, and nothingness, and joy.  Not just because of the failing health of my uncle.  But life in general.  I’ve started writing in a journal again once a day, trying to get it all out without letting it bury me, or those around me.

And it’s helping.

“Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I’ll try again tomorrow.” 
― Mary Anne Radmacher

The photo above was taken by me during Day One of my last period on May 2, 2018.  Although it is a posed image, it also wasn’t at the same time.  I set up my camera, the pill bottles, the tea, the heating pad, and then clicked the “self-timer” button.  As soon as the shutter released, I remained in that position most of the day.  I wallowed in my pain and sorrow.  The next day, I was able to go to work (still medicated), but able to actually get in my car, drive to work, and function.  The next day was slightly easier.

Whatever we are going through, we will make it.   Today may seem hopeless or dark, but keep putting one foot in front of the other – every day.

And we can persevere together.

Love you guys.  Have a great weekend.  And find that courage to keep moving.

 

Blogs I Updated This Week:

Dungeons & Dragons & Donuts: How RPG Games May Help With (Fill in the Blank) – added our April campaign.  Our adventurers find themselves at a masquerade ball…bunnies, meatballs, the chicken dance…it was a wonderful caper! Our next session will be Sunday, May 20, 2018!

Have You Seen the Endometriosis Commercials on TV? – the FDA has extended the time they need to review and approve AbbVie’s Elagolix and data regarding liver function testing.

Feel Good Fridays

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Good morning and happy Friday!

I received very disturbing news this past weekend.  A family member of mine has been diagnosed with Stage 4 cancer; inoperable.  He has been given two to four months to live, if that.  And as I try to remain hopeful and positive thanks to modern science and medicine, I am grieving.  He’s not even dead, and I mourn.  So I looked it up last night…and it’s called Anticipatory Grief.

Denial.  Anger. Bargaining. Depression. Acceptance.

These are the usual five stages of grief, and they are also the stages of anticipatory grief.  They can come in any order. They can float back and forth and repeat themselves.  My mind wanders from memory to memory, each bringing laughter or tears.  Then I’m hit with other realizations: who is next: how much time do I have left with friends and family before they, too, are swept away?  And my priorities change.  Rather than fill my days with Netflix, videogames, or naps, I want to flood my hours with time with family and friends.  I feel guilty for all of the missed time…I beat myself up for not making more opportunities, driving out to visit, or just picking up the damn phone.

And the cycle begins anew.  More memories, more tears, more guilt.

I’m driving out this weekend to be with family, to visit my Uncle, and to try not to cry in front of him…In fact, by the time you’re reading this, I’m several hours into my drive already (thank goodness for being able to schedule a post…)

But, while reading about Anticipatory Grief, and feeling far more normal now that I knew it was a thing…I drew comparisons to being diagnosed with an incurable, chronic illness: the maelstrom of emotions and stages, the lack of control, the shift in priorities.  And it led me on the search for a quote to share with you.

And I found this one.

“You will lose someone you can’t live without, and your heart will be badly broken, and the bad news is that you never completely get over the loss of your beloved. But this is also the good news. They live forever in your broken heart that doesn’t seal back up. And you come through. It’s like having a broken leg that never heals perfectly—that still hurts when the weather gets cold, but you learn to dance with the limp.” 
― Anne Lamott

And I shall hold onto it, dearly.  In fact, I will embrace it.  Twenty-one years ago I lost my grandparents. They died two days apart from each other; we like to think they could not bear to be apart.  But the void created by their deaths has never been filled in my heart.  And now I know why: because “they live forever in your broken heart that doesn’t seal back up.”  And I think of them all of the time.  And the same shall be true for my Uncle, whenever his time may be.

And when my Endo flares back up and rears it’s ugly head, may I hold my head up high and dance with a limp.

And I hope that you, too, may accept the loss you face (whether it be a death, or a disease, or a disappointment), heal, and dance with a limp.

But dance we shall.

Love you guys.  Lisa

 

Feel Good Fridays

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Another week has passed.

It’s been a tough one for me.  Since last Friday, my pain has been bad, or barely there, or back to horrible, then back to barely there…but the majority of the past seven days, I’ve been in pain.  My heating pad has been with me every day, both at home and at work.  I’ve taken some form of pain medication every day.  I started my period (finally) on Wednesday and am riding that wave.

Awful period cramps, lower back pain, pain when pooping, and pain when peeing.

My ultrasound on my birthday found a small cyst on my left ovary.  A suspicious one.  We’re going to keep an eye on it and I go in for follow-up ultrasound in two months.  Possibly an MRI following that.  And depending on that outcome…a long talk.

A few Sisters of mine have also expressed a feeling of “it will never end” this week, and I can wholeheartedly feel their anguish.  Their thoughts are my thoughts.  I mirror their fear.  But I am trying to remain positive.

I don’t have any quotes for today. I’m mentally and physically wiped out.  Do you have one? What’s your favorite “pick me up” quote? Share in the comments below.

And have a good weekend, you guys…Love, Lisa.

 

 

Feel Good Fridays

Friday! I’m writing this from a curled fetal position on the couch, my heating pad snug against my abdomen . Tramadol courses through my veins. And I’ve called in sick from work.

Regardless, happy Friday.

“Honoring yourself is not selfish, it’s vital.”

If you need a day to curl up and die…take a day off. Pushing through the pain to do things can oftentimes make things worse. Honor your body

Love you guys.

Blogs I’ve updated this week:

Daffodil Society Embezzlement and Shut-Down: Ms. Kerivan’s bench trial has been scheduled for August 9, 2018. This blog entry has been updated to reflect the hearing date.

Feel Good Fridays!

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Last night I spent some time with an old friend, and several new ones, at one of those Paint & Drink Wine events.  It was A BLAST!  None of us knew what we were doing, but all of us did a great job!

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So, today’s quote is about stepping outside of your comfort zone.  And I’ve found a beautiful and perfect quote:

“I have realized; it is during the times I am far outside my element that I experience myself the most. That I see and feel who I really am, the most! I think that’s what a comet is like, you see, a comet is born in the outer realms of the universe! But it’s only when it ventures too close to our sun or to other stars that it releases the blazing “tail” behind it and shoots brazen through the heavens! And meteors become sucked into our atmosphere before they burst like firecrackers and realize that they’re shooting stars! That’s why I enjoy taking myself out of my own element, my own comfort zone, and hurling myself out into the unknown. Because it’s during those scary moments, those unsure steps taken, that I am able to see that I’m like a comet hitting a new atmosphere: suddenly I illuminate magnificently and fire dusts begin to fall off of me! I discover a smile I didn’t know I had, I uncover a feeling that I didn’t know existed in me… I see myself. I’m a shooting star. A meteor shower. But I’m not going to die out. I guess I’m more like a comet then. I’m just going to keep on coming back.” 
― C. JoyBell C.

Embrace it all and shine!  Blaze that trail across the sky and keep coming back.  Keep fighting.  Marvel in the beauty.  And enjoy life!!!

Have a wonderful weekend.  Love, Lisa

Blogs I updated this week:

Endometriosis & the Appendix – added a March 2018 cite to a woman with appendiceal endometriosis; discovered during a surgery for her ectopic pregnancy.

Endometriosis & the Bowel – added a September 2017 study of a woman who developed a small bowel obstruction which was surgically confirmed to have been caused by Endometriosis lesions.

New Pill? Viagra for Women – updated information regarding Addyi’s FDA approval and side effects

Reader’s Choice: C-Sections & Endometriosis – added an October 2017 case report of a 28-year-old woman who developed Endometriosis inside her c-section scar four months after the procedure.

 

Feel Good Fridays

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It’s the end of the week already?!?

So, bringing you a reason to laugh:

“Laughter is magic that dispenses clouds and creates sunshine in the soul.” 
― Richelle E. GoodrichSmile Anyway

If you’re down in the depths, try to find something to make you smile. A memory, a thought, a thing, a book, a quote, a TV show, a friend, a pet, a game, or even sleep and find it in a dream.

May you find peace.

Blogs I updated this week:

C-Sections & Endometriosis:  added a March 2018 study published in the  International Journal of Reproduction, Contraception, Obstetrics & Gynecology of a woman who had a large purple lump on her c-section scar that oozed greenish fluid during her periods.  Any guesses as to the diagnosis?

Endometriosis & the Lungs: added a March 2018 study of a woman with a collapsed lung and the positive biopsy results for Endometriosis found in the pleural cavity.

Lupron Depot: My Experience:  added an update as to how I’m doing three years later, as well as a 2018 study of long-term effects of Lupron Depot use, published in the Journal of Pediatric & Adolescent Gynecology

Natural Products I’ve Fallen in Love With: added Truth Serum deodorant made by Lucky AF Club.

Feel Good Fridays

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Happy Friday! I hope you had a good week.  And if not…I hope you have a better weekend!

Fridays seem to be my new “head to the bagel shop” day.  Treating myself to something delicious the last day of the week…and today’s trip to the bagel shop was a fun one.

Not only was there a Sheriff Deputy with a huge smile holding the door open for me as I went in, but there was a new guy at the counter who had an incredible sense of humor.  AND my bagel guy was working behind the counter so we got to catch up a bit before my order was ready.  Glen, the guy who usually takes my cash, was there to razz me as well.  Fun all around.  And on my way out, hot cocoa in one hand, car keys in the other, and bag-o-bagel hanging from my mouth, I mumbled, “where the hell did I park?” between my clenched teeth.  The paramedic who had held open the door for me turned around smiling, “that’s the story of my life!”  Just a wonderfully fun way to begin the workday.  I don’t know why it all struck me as wonderful, but I still can’t wipe the grin off my bagel-crusted face.

So, today’s quote:

“Stop changing yourself for the sake of other people. You shouldn’t care what strangers think and true friends won’t ask you to change.” 
― Avina Celeste

I hope you can read it, read it again, digest it…and live it.

Have an incredible weekend!!!

Love, Lisa

 

Feel Good Fridays

Happy Friday! What a crazy week it’s been for me. *whew*

Yesterday, one of our local SoCal EndoSisters wrote this in our private Facebook group.  It was so freakin’ encouraging and uplifting, I asked if I could share here with you today. Obviously, the answer was yes.

“Sometimes, especially when the pain is bad, it is hard for me to remember the things I am thankful for.

I am going to say now, this post is not meant in any way to lessen what we go through, the hardships we manage, but it is one of thanks. Chronic pain, although often debilitating, is not always terminal and doesn’t always mean we are at risk of losing our lives.

Today, I’m thankful that my burden in life is pain and I thank my stars that I don’t have to deal with other chronic issues, where a misstep, or lack of medication, means I could lose my life early. I don’t wish pain on anyone, but I think of those who struggle with healthcare and doctors when their life is on the line, and it makes me thankful I just have to deal with the pain (even though sometimes it makes me feel like I’m dying or makes me wish for it just to end).

I’m thankful I don’t have to worry about conditions that, left unchecked, could mean limb loss (like diabetes), that I don’t have to be confined to a wheelchair as I slowly lose the ability to control my muscles, and even risk not being able to breath on my own down the road. I’m thankful that on good days I can go for a hike, or even just go meet my friends for drinks (even if I am losing the ability to tolerate alcohol without it setting off a flair and I just have water). I’m thankful that I’m not stuck in a hospital bed, confined to a sterile room, even if I’m a frequent flyer. And sometimes I have to remind myself to be thankful when things are bad. Not because others have it worse and I don’t have the right to feel bad, because sometimes it is the only way I can get through what I’m dealing with. It is my coping mechanism. It sometimes is the only way for me to deal with the bad days to get to my wonderful good days, that I don’t take for granted anymore.

This disease can easily crush us mentally, make us lose hope, but on those days where I feel well, or well enough just to do things on my own, I’m thankful. I’m hopeful that someday we will find a solution to our condition, and be given our lives back, or that those much younger than us, will never have to suffer like we do.

And I’m thankful for a community of people like you, even if I’m not often present or involved, and haven’t really met any of you yet. I’m thankful when I see, even through the pain and unfairness, that you all haven’t lost your empathy, your compassion, your supportive natures. It is so great to see people that suffer daily themselves willing to put themselves out there to offer support or love to others dealing with the same thing, strangers we don’t know but are tied to through our shared suffering.

I’m NOT saying that we should ignore what we deal with because “others have it worse”, I’m not saying that at all. What we deal with is real, has huge physical and emotional impacts on our lives, I’m just not ready to give up and roll over and hope I can always find a reason to be thankful, no matter how bad things get. Because what do we have if we don’t have hope? And sometimes that hope is the only thing that can push us past the worst.

I wish you all the best, I wish you strength and pain free days, days where you can still get out and live and appreciate what those days mean. And I wish for all of us that a cure if found and someday we don’t have to worry about young girls finding themselves having to suffer through each day or each period.”  ~Ashlie McCormick

May we all hold onto the hope and strength offered in these words.

Love, Lisa

Blogs I’ve updated this Week:

Dungeons & Dragons & Donuts : added our 3/18/18 session

Feel Good Fridays

It’s Friday! It’s a beautiful misty Friday.  I just love the rain!

Tomorrow is our 4th Endometriosis Awareness & Support Walk, and I’m so excited.  Women with Endometriosis are often referred to as “EndoWarriors.”  Why?  Because we fight this illness like nobody’s business.  And today’s quote is inspiring:

“Even in times of trauma, we try to maintain a sense of normality until we no longer can. That, my friends, is called surviving. Not healing. We never become whole again … we are survivors. If you are here today… you are a survivor. But those of us who have made it thru hell and are still standing? We bare a different name: warriors.” 
― Lori Goodwin

So, to all my Warriors out there, keep fighting.  And when you can no longer stand, reach out – because we will be there to lift you up and carry you as far as we can.  And when we fall, another will hoist us up.  That is what we do.

Love, Lisa