Just a few thoughts I have to get out

Last night I had a dream that my Endometriosis was back.  I had gone to my doctor’s office for a visit because my pain was unbearable.  My mother was with me.  Cindy was my nurse once more (yay) and as we waited for the doctor to come in to discuss some test results, my Mum was holding my hand and Cindy was crackin’ jokes.

Dr. K. comes in with an imaging study of my boob. Ha.  Tells me that that lump…yes, that lump right there…is an Endometrioma. In my boob.  And that surgery would take place tomorrow.  And I began sobbing.  The dream ended there…

Even though I know Endo can’t (usually) be seen in imaging studies, doesn’t grow in boob-soft tissue, excision surgery doesn’t get scheduled *just like that*, and Cindy won’t be my nurse anymore (phooey), I still woke up with a feeling of … what’s the word? Dread? Grief?  I’d go with grief. Flat out sadness.  The sense of let-down and mourning in my dream was so very strong.

My last excision surgery is still going on strong.  Some days I have pain, but it’s nothing compared to what it was prior to my two surgeries.  But, for many, many, many women surgeries, diet, supplements, medication, and Eastern medicine do nothing to relieve their agony.  For some women, grief, sadness, and mourning are a regular, daily occurrence.

And my heart breaks.  Not only for those women still in pain, but for the Great Unknown of wondering if, or when, it may return for those who are not.

4 thoughts on “Just a few thoughts I have to get out

  1. I love dream study and share your frustration. Glad your surgery was successful but it sounds like the familiar fear is still there. I’ve been avoiding surgery for two years now and trying to control the pain with exercise and diet. Every month you wonder. I read an article on MSN yesterday about some women managing her endo with stretches and was like ‘yea right’. Mostly the article said how many millions of women suffer with this and that there’s no cure. Maddening. I can’t help but wonder about stress/trauma/body connection. Either way I know it’s not gluten or carb related since I’m juicing (aka starving!) and still prone to cramps. Haha. Grrr.

    Liked by 1 person

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