Welcome to another Friday. We made it through yet another week!
Here I sit today laying in bed, wrapped around my heating pad, taking a sick day from work. My pain has been sneaking up on me these past few days: had a lovely incident EndoBelly earlier this week, had an incredible acupuncture session, and spent yesterday with my microwavable heating pad all day while I was at work. So today I’m laying in bed, with Tramadol coursing through my system, as I am patiently waiting for it to kick in and take away my pain.
It’s on a day like today where I’m reminded that self care is not selfish. I don’t like taking days off of work. I have very few and very precious sick days available to me to last throughout the year. That being said, I also acknowledge that my comfort and my health and my mental well-being are incredibly important and sometimes I need to focus purely on me. Had I gone to work today, I can almost guarantee you that I would have made it to lunch and then begged off to stay home for the rest of the day. I also likely would have regretted going in in the morning when I could have stayed at home laying in bed embracing my heating pad and my agony.
I know that endometriosis is not curable. I know that pain medications are a Band-Aid. I know that birth control pills, Lupron Depo, Danzanol, Letrozole, and any sort of medication marketed toward reducing the symptoms of endometriosis are all purely Band-Aids with awful side effects. I know that excision surgery is considered the “gold standard” to treat endometriosis. I also fully understand that it’s not a guarantee that my pain will not return. Acknowledging that the treatments are insufficient at times, and acknowledging that this filthy disease may return whenever it wishes, doesn’t make it any easier to deal with.
There are good days. There are bad days. Today is a bad day.
I’ve been lucky enough to have two excision surgeries by a surgeon I believe to be incredibly skilled and knowledgeable and passionate about treating our illness. There are times like today where my pain is so bad that all I want to do is feel sorry for myself, and I do for a little bit. But, something deep down inside reminds me that I can get through this. I may not be able to get through this well today, but I can get through this and I will resume the good days hopefully very soon.
You have to find a light at the end of the tunnel somewhere even if you can’t see it yet, it’s there… Somewhere.