Feel Good Fridays

Thunderstorm clouds on the horizon
photo by Kevin, Colorado Clouds Blog

Here we are again! A Friday! Already!!!

I’ve been relishing the mostly pain-free life since my November surgery. And every little tiny prick of pain sends me deep into a “Oh no, is it coming back already?” thought process. The poor April ultrasound results don’t help and I’m eagerly awaiting the July follow-up ultrasound.

But, I ran to Heidi and we had a little conversation yesterday during a moment of doubt. Heidi has had some glorious results from pain management and physical therapy and I figured she may very know the fear I was feeling:

Text conversation with Heidi.  Me: "Do you almost fear all the shit just coming back and rendering you incapable gain?  I do." Heidi: "Oh man, yes hunny!  Every twinge of back pain makes me think it's coming back again.  It's this stormy cloud just over the horizon that's taunting me. I'm so grateful for where I'm at & I just have to remember how hard I fought to be here, & try to enjoy each moment.  We got this, & we're beasts."

See? SUPPORTIVE! Heidi is amazing. And, she’s right: WE GOT THIS AND WE’RE BEASTS!

But yesterday’s moment has led to today’s quote search. It captures the fear I have. It gives it a visual that many people can relate to; a fear that gnaws at the fiber of their being. I suffer from a painful chronic illness, and although I’m in a wonderful position right now, I still have these fears:

“That’s the point. This healthy-feeling time now just feels like a tease. Like I’m in this holding pattern, flying in smooth circles within sight of the airport, in super-comfortable first class. But I can’t enjoy the in-flight movie or free chocolate chip cookies because I know that before the airport is able to make room for us, the plane is going to run out of fuel, and we’re going to crash-land into a fiery, agonizing death.” 
― Jessica Verdi, My Life After Now

Okay, so it might be a little dramatic…but it really captured how I feel about this relentless disease. Endometriosis.

I have my Sisters, my Warriors, my Family to get me through these moments. I’ll enjoy the in-flight movie and complimentary cookies. I’ve embraced having my nights and weekends back to enjoy. And maybe…just maybe…I can acknowledge these fears when they bubble to the surface and let them go.

May we all be able to do such a thing.

Love, Lisa

PS – Heidi, I love you so very, very, very much.

2 thoughts on “Feel Good Fridays

  1. Yes, I’m a guy following along having taken Lupron for recurrent prostate cancer eight months ago. Recovery has been awful. This website offers the experiences of patients enduring the effects of endo while also partaking of pharmaceuticals such as Lupron in their course of therapy. I marvel at their strength facing uncertainty and adversity to remedy a very determined foe such as endo, cancer, etc. Drawing encouragement from contributors on this website is food for the soul. Thank you.
    I know I am not alone although this journey is mine and mine alone, retreating into myself happened
    very easily and conveniently as a mechanism to cope. Lupron won’t kill me, it just makes me wish I I was not here, it is that ominous and dark. Slug slowly I am creeping towards wellness everyday where every morning is spring in the air to energize me for another battle with Lupron. Sadly, doc (and numerous others) have nothing to offer. “Give it more time”, they utter in unison. Maybe so. Bloomin’ is good medicine. All of you keep up the fight with all your might. I am getting better thanks to you.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi SevenSix. Thank you SO much for your comment, for following our Journey, for being brave enough to share about your own journey, and to share your love and support. You are most certainly not alone. And oh so many of us can relate to your statement, “Lupron won’t kill me, it just makes me wish I I was not here, it is that ominous and dark.” I am so glad you have the strength to push ahead each day. And you have all of our strength behind you, too. Wishing you the best of luck with your prostate cancer. Although we don’t know exactly how it feels to be in your shoes, we are your Sisters in arms. ❤ If you ever need to talk, please reach out. I'm always around. ❤ lisa@bloominuterus.com


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