Oh man, it’s been a while since I’ve posted one of these! I had a few weeks off of work for the holidays and man I enjoyed the R&R. But I do apologize for my lack of Feel Good Fridays.
I don’t know about you, but I’ve had several painful days between now and last August. I fear my Endo is back, or maybe it’s something as simple as adhesions, but damn it hurt. And my partner has had to watch me as I suffer, which hurts me even more. I’ve tried to hold onto the plan that I’ll be having another surgery this year to look for new lesions and hopefully have that hysterectomy (to manage the suspected Adenomyosis and period cramps). I’ve tried to keep positive and strong. But some days I failed.
And I’ve faced the hopelessness of not having medications that deal well with my pain. Naproxen is an NSAID that sometimes doesn’t work. Heating pads, ice packs, herbal pain sprays, etc. sometimes don’t work. I cannot afford regular acupuncture, pelvic floor therapy, massage, or other holistic treatments. I’ve grown sad during the painful days, at my lack of control, just succumbing to the pain. I’ve cried at appointments, had long talks with the husband, and shared with close friends. I don’t really hate my body or this disease, but I had grown to hate my inability to fight it.
But this week I had a consultation with my pain management doctor and after a very lengthy meeting, discussion, review of symptoms, and a heart-to-heart, he graciously agreed to fill a very small prescription for Tramadol: the one pill that doesn’t make me loopy or sick and does handle my high-pain days. And we’ll be scheduling nerve block injections once my insurance approves them.
I wanted to cry and hug that man. I mean, I didn’t do either because we’d just met. I was severely overwhelmed with relief. And hope. And the ability to go to work, function, and wade my way through the coming pain-days. Light at the end of the tunnel. Surgery will be coming, but I will now be able to push through the days before then.
So I wanted to take a moment to remind you…and myself:
In the darkest days, when you feel alone and hopeless, try to find a small speck of light to cling to. Reach out and find a hand to hold. Mine is always here if you need it. We will make it through this darkness together.
Just a little spark of hope can ignite so much life. I love you guys. Thank you for being here with me on my Journey, and for holding my hand and walking me through, too. May I always be there for you.