Well, I had my ultrasound today with Dr. Kurtulus.

And we talked for about 30 minutes afterward. My suspected chocolate cyst has grown another 1/2 centimeter, which wasn’t distressing to him yet. But we discussed my journal, my symptoms, my pain, my concerns, my vacation plans, and a possible hysterectomy.

If I opted to go to Burning Man this year, I’d deplete any vacation time if I needed surgery later this year. And be left with no option but to suffer until next year when my vacation time renewed. And who knows what can happen in six months…

Due to my pain levels as of late and my progressing symptoms (and growing cyst), there’s no time like the present. Why delay? Me first? As my cousin whispers in my ear each time we hug, “You be good…to you.”

I asked about a hysterectomy. Jim and I aren’t planning on having children. And although it’s not a cure, it may help with a large part of my pain every month. After lengthy discussions of pros and cons, as well as several doodles of my fancy dual-cervix and septated vaginal canal, we shall wait on the hysterectomy. My bits are complicated.

So, in a month or two, we’re gonna peek under the hood and have a look.

The chocolate cyst will be removed.

Any Endometriosis lesions will be excised. (Assuming he finds any)

Any adhesions will be freed.

And my anatomy shall be restored as best as possible.

Now what about this new under-the-rib pain that I’ve been enduring for the past two weeks? He knows, as do I, that I have Endometriosis on my diaphragm. It was one little spot, as memory serves. But he’ll do his best to analyze the underside of my diaphragm while he’s poking around my pelvic cavity…And we’ll discuss future surgical options (which would require the skills of a cardiothoracic surgeon) from there if he feels that it may have worsened or migrated.

Going in today feeling strong about that pending discussion made it easier to walk out with a smile on my face. And I could be in no better hands than his. He has my utmost trust and respect.

But it still takes the wind out of my sails, so to speak.

I called my husband. Then my mom. And my work was very understanding. I’ve told a few friends. And I’ve formally canceled my Burning Man plans.

But here I sit. Blabbing and letting it all hang out. I want to throw up. I want to cry (hell, I am crying). But I still feel strongly that this is the best decision for me right now. And if he opens me up and doesn’t find any Endo, it will open up avenues to explore what is causing this pain.

I love you, Sisters and readers.

I hate this disease.