All is well

Woman standing in towel showing stomach after laparoscopic surgery a week earlier; four incisions covered by bandages. Taken by Lisa Howard, July 2018
© Lisa Howard; 2018

Thank you to everyone for the outpouring of support from my emotional Friday. I’ve received so many virtual and in-person hugs. It’s awesome. You guys are awesome.

I wanted to let you know I’m doing well. I look forward to my meeting with my physician on April 22nd to go over the ultrasound results and have a heart-to-heart talk. And trying to remain positive.

What’s up with the above-photo? I recently developed a roll of black & white film that had been in my camera for the past several months. I couldn’t remember what was on it, but I do have one rule when it comes to my photography: one weird, creative, or special selfie must be taken. It’s often hit and miss as it’s an old camera (a Minolta XG-1 from 1982) as there’s no auto focus…haha, but it always makes for a fun project.

Yesterday I picked up my pictures from the developer here in San Diego. And the above photograph is the very first one in the pile. I had totally forgotten about taking it. Was clueless it was on there. And wasn’t prepared for the flood of emotions that boiled up to the surface. This was taken about a week after my July surgery.

I felt sad, then angry at this relentless disease, then sad again. Overwhelmingly so. But as I stared at the photo while safely tucked inside my Jeep parked in the parking garage in downtown San Diego trying not to cry, those negative feelings morphed into something else: a sense of pride, strength, and courage.

There I was, a week after my surgery: I felt well enough to shower alone. And set up the camera on the bathroom counter, tinker with settings, and cross my fingers hoping it would come out. Unashamed of the broken body that the camera would capture, I stood tall and strong.

And this photograph captured that moment.

My moment.

Our moment. I know that you, EndoWarriors, have stared into the mirror at your incisions, your bandages, your scars, your pain. Stand tall with me.

We can get through this.

All is well.

Regardless of the journey…We are alive, and we are in this together.

4 thoughts on “All is well

  1. All the <3, friend. I hope your u/s results meeting is productive. Maybe encourage your doc to get u/s machinery in his office, it makes all the difference (immediate results, no stressful waiting period like you're in). Either way, much {{{{stalkery}}}} love to ya. Chat soon!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh, thank you, Sweet! He does do them in the office, but late last year had to hire a US Tech to handle them since his schedule was getting too full with patients. It used to be where you’d meet with him 5 minutes after the US; now it’s a few weeks. I’ll most certainly ask him to remind his US tech NOT to divulge any suspected findings to patients, though, since it leads to an uncertain limbo while we wait. I can’t think of a tactful way of doing it without sounding pushy…but I’ll figure it out. ❤ Suggestions? Whisper them in my ear…I know you're close.


  2. Sorry to hear Lisa. No wonder you’re upset!

    ‘I felt really upset and anxious having to wait so long to see you for the results after the ultrasound technician told me that they saw cysts and potentially the nasty ones on my left ovary. Could you please ask your technician to maybe next time not give out so much information, especially info that may be bad news?’

    Just an attempt at what you could say.

    Let the upset out, cry it out and then find happier purposes to keep you occupied until the results – I know you’re always crazy busy, let that distract your mind from worry.

    Here for you xx

    Liked by 1 person

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