Good morning and happy Friday. August is half-way over. Where does the time go?
Today, this is for you. If you’re in pain, if you’re hating your body, or just wanting to give up, please read on.
“Listen to me, your body is not a temple. Temples can be destroyed and desecrated. Your body is a forest – thick canopies of maple trees and sweet scented wildflowers sprouting in the underwood. You will grow back, over and over, no matter how badly you are devastated.”
~Beau Taplin
The irony of the growing back over and over on an Endometriosis blog is not lost upon me. But, please…hang on. Don’t give up. You will come back from this. Over. And over. And over. We are Warriors. And we are resilient.
A young man (I say young, but he’s my age) that I met on Saturday went missing late that evening. And in a very hot desert terrain. The day after his disappearance hit 112 degrees. And the following day was 110. And the official SAR efforts were called off due to the terrain and heat. It has now been 6 days since he vanished into the evening air. My statement has been given to the authorities. My husband has aided in the search last Sunday.
This weekend we will be heading back out to the area to help with the search.
Hold onto to those you cherish. Never be afraid to say I love you. Be kind to anyone you can. My heart breaks for his family.
May we find Derek alive and well elsewhere, pursuing some grand life adventure without telling anyone or having brought his possessions. Or may we find answers and closure somewhere out in my beautiful desert.
“No matter how much darkness life brings, fight, because darkness can’t exist without lights. As long as we’re alive and trying, we’ll get through this hell,”
Featuring: Lisa Howard “Measured by Numbers: Foundation” Photo by Brandy Sebastian
Today is a special day. A few years ago, a wonderful Warrior, friend, and photographer started a project to raise awareness of Endometriosis and follow the journeys of several fellow Warriors.
Each image features a different model and each image discusses different aspects of dealing with Endometriosis.
This is my image. My word, granted to me by Brandy, is “Foundation.”
Measured by Numbers” an Endometriosis Awareness Project by Brandy Sebastian Featuring: Lisa Howard: “Foundation”
”We are all strong enough to stand up and reach for the hand of a Warrior in need.Each of us possesses the power to build greatness. We each started alone, fought the emotions, and found our strength.And we all found each other, brought together in a group, united by our circumstance.
Forged and bonded by our bodies and hearts. We accompany one another to difficult doctor’s appointments. Encourage each other through surgeries and treatments. Reach out and embrace others who are struggling. Cry together. Laugh together. Grieve together. And push on together.
What started as a quest for answers has morphed into a group, a walk, a presence – an incredible show of force. Countless Warriors, together, always.
I am honored. Humbled. And uplifted. You always make me feel stronger than I think I am.
If you wish to see the gallery in person, please visit either the opening show Saturday, July 10th, or the gallery while the exhibit is available until August 7, 2021.
If you wish to see other images from Brandy’s project, you may check out her Instagram and Facebook pages. This project is ongoing and far from finished.
Thank you, Brandy, for all that you do while you continue to endure your own Endometriosis journey. We love you.
If you feel alone with this illness, know that you are not. And if you ever need to talk, I’m right here.
So many of us have been dealt a hand of cards that we’re literally stuck with. So, let’s nestle down, get comfy, have a nice cup of tea, and own it. ❤ Who’s coming over for my “Embrace This Life” housewarming party? 🙂 I can’t do it without ya.
Have a beautiful weekend. And stay safe.
Blogs I Updated This Week:
New Case Study – Endo In the Buttcrack: I didn’t think I’d EVER get to update this one…but (butt?) I did! There’s a June 2021 study of a patient with an Endometrioma on her BUTTHOLE three months after an anal fissure surgery! OMFG.
It’s been another draining week. A good friend of mine, Lora, left me a little Marco Polo video that I finally watched this morning. And it was so damned uplifting I asked for permission to share a portion of it here.
And here it is. May her words remind you that you, too, possess the strength to get through this.
“You’ve got this. Really. I know you’ve got this…And I know that it makes you tired. And I know that it makes you not happy. Um, but I know – I know also that things are going to work out…
I just want you to know that you are strong. I know you know that, and I know you have your bad days and I know you’re on the ground sometimes just balled up in tears, but you find strength in places where I just cannot imagine. And you’ve got to reach for that.
Okay?
You’re going to get through this….
Keep up the positive thinking….
Just know that I am thinking of you and you have this amazing, beautiful, magical strength about you and just bring that up – bring that up into your heart and give yourself a limited amount of time to dwell on the negative, then focus on the positive…”
~Lora
I’ve been absolutely non-stop jumping from medical appointment to medical appointment over the past few months and have a few weeks more ahead. I’ve had discouraging news on the Endo-front. And a lot of dental issues, mystery butthole issues, I haven’t been sleeping well, and whacky hormones. I’ve been hit with a few financial whammies as well. I’m just exhausted. So if you’ve reached out or wondered where I’ve been, sorry…just haven’t been in a good place lately. I miss researching and blogging, though.
But Lora’s message is well-received.
I’ve listed out the craziness of my medical appointments for 2021. No wonder I’ve been exhausted and feeling overwhelmed and overall-sad…this too shall pass and everything will be okay:
January 5, 2021: hemorrhoid band ligation
January 26, 2021: Covid-19 Rapid test result
January 27, 2021: standard results Covid testing
February 1, 2021: dental cleaning
February 2, 2021: 1-month hemorrhoid follow-up
February 9, 2021: 3-month Endo post-op follow-up
February 17, 2021: cavity filling & dental implant work
March 1, 2021: suture removal re: implant post
March 9, 2021: 1st Covid-19 vaccination shot
March 16, 2021: consult for throbbing root canal tooth
March 31, 2021: scan of root canal tooth
April 5, 2021: 2nd Covid-19 vaccination shot
April 12, 2021: root canal tooth extraction
April 14, 2021: consult with PCP to discuss anal leakage and possible hemorrhoids
April 27, 2021: recurrent hemorrhoid consultation with colo-rectal surgeon
May 3, 2021: dental cleaning
May 11, 2021: hemorrhoid banding ligation and external hemorrhoidal anal skin tags cut off
May 18, 2021: annual exam and pap smear
May 24, 2021: consultation with GI regarding anal leakage
June 1, 2021: mammogram
June 2, 2021: annual bloodwork
June 3, 2021: pelvic ultrasound
June 7, 2021: cavity filling and dental impression for upper & lower implants
June 8, 2021: follow-up re pelvic ultrasound
June 8, 2021: hemorrhoid band ligation
June 9, 2021: telemedicine visit to discuss bloodwork results with PCP
June 10, 2021: eye exam
June 21, 2021: picked up new glasses
June 22, 2021: consult with dentist regarding newly-chipped crown
Upcoming:
June 30, 2021: chipped crown #13 removal
July 2, 2021: follow-up bloodwork
July 6, 2021: hemorrhoid band ligation follow-up
July 7, 2021: dental implants (upper#14 and lower#30) delivery & fitting
July 9, 2021: telemedicine follow-up with PCP re bloodwork
August 4, 2021: dental cleaning
September 21, 2021: 3-month follow-up with eye doctor
December 9, 2021: pelvic ultrasound re Endometriosis
December 14, 2021, pelvic ultrasound follow-up
Whatever you are enduring, too, shall pass and we will pull through this together.
Much love. Lisa
PS – I don’t know why, but the image above just spoke to me. I love it. ❤
Well, I’ve had another whirlwind week. I’m exhausted. There’s been no real time for R&R. I’m looking forward to spending tomorrow with my husband doing 100% n-o-t-h-i-n-g.
I hope your week has gone well.
Today, I share a quote by my cousin. He says it every time we hug. And every time we talk on the phone. A girlfriend of mine who had met Aaron a few years ago texted it to me last night. And right now, it’s exactly what I need to hear.
So, you get it, too:
“You be good to you.” ~Aaron Edlund
Always.
This will forever be one of my favorite awkward-selfies with friends and family ❤
Can you believe 2021 is half over already? ALREADY!?!
Yesterday I had an ultrasound with the possibility of Endo growth in my cul-de-sac. This technician is so amazeballs she hasn’t been wrong yet with my body, my Endo, and my surgery outcome. I’ll talk to my Doc on Tuesday to go over it, his thoughts, my (lack of) of horrific symptoms, and a plan. I know it will be a lot of “sit, watch, and wait,” but even the possibility of it being back led me to a tail-spin of grief last night.
I made it most of the 40-minute drive home without crying…until The Killers “Everything Will Be Alright” popped on the radio. Then the waterworks started. I vented to some friends and sobbed into my husband’s shoulder when he got home from work. We went out for comfort food for dinner, talked about it, and I’m a lot calmer today than yesterday.
But while digging around the great big Internet this morning for a quote, I was hit in the face with this one:
“Resilience is accepting your new reality, even if it’s less good than the one you had before. You can fight it, you can do nothing but scream about what you’ve lost, or you can accept that and try to put together something that’s good.”
― Elizabeth Edwards
Yesterday’s news was not the end of the world. And it’s only just a possibility. And, right now, my pain levels have been ooooh soooo minimal. Everything will be okay.
But it hit me. And it hit hard. And I began to mourn all of the things I may not have because of it. BUT…I wouldn’t be where I am right now in a better frame of mind if it weren’t for the support of friends and loved ones. So, thank you.
And the offer always stands: if you need someone to talk to, I am always here for you. Even if we may be in this same boat together. Last night I needed friends to pull me out of the sea, and it was beautiful. I may need my own help from time to time, but it doesn’t mean I’m not here to help you, too.
Bloomin' Uterus 